Doomed

It is inevitble. I am gonna have to "serve somebody". In addition to myself and my child. I am gonna have to "serve somebody". And believe them over someone else. Over myself. Too many specialists, professionals, and intellectuals. And I will take their advice and trust that they know what they are talking about. Because they care about me, right? And more often than not, it will not be a person on my team. It will be the "other". The person that is currently at top of the polls. On top of their reading of classics or the one that has caught the best of Hollywood's attention.

(South Beach Diet, Atkins Diet, Diet Soda's, Diet frickin' Cupcakes...They will save your life! Instead of working out just deprive your body of fatty foods! Yup, especially in obese children, that is sure to help their brains develop!)

Yes.

I am gonna have to "serve somebody".

They will have control over my seemingly uncontrollable destiny.

They will tell me that I cannot adequately maintain proper protein and calcium in my diet because I am a vegan. Perhaps, I will have osteoperosis by my early 30's. Red meat is the only source for iron, Karla.

Are they right?

They will say they are.

Will they let me down gently?

No.

I am gonna have to "serve somebody."

I am prey to the powerful, almighty, forces that are not at work in Nature but in Big Business. Forces at work with the false reality of the media and then of course the neurons-firing in my head that lead me astray from time to time.

I think within the next decade the only thing I will say for sure will is :
I am never alone when I am alone.

Because They are always watching.

It is getting harder and harder to live.

Drenched in the Sun

Oct. 12th 2006
The dispelled notion of timelessness has redirected itself into a black hole of perpetual ticking clocks. I feel the seconds, the minutes, the moments…but when the day falls and sleep persists to claim my attention, I fall farther away from time. D ays leave and months close and I realize I am not far from death.


November 16th 12:07 am
Leaves are sleeping alone below me in the murky current of sewage. Each thick drop of rain crashes against the tin of my faux roof, beckoning my attention. I turn to them, thanking them for their selflessness. Like ice, they forfeit the state in which they reside to return to the place they call home. I, a woman in this wretched world, will do the same.

March 3rd, 2007

Over.

And over.

I sit among my brothers and sisters, yet I am unable to rejoice in the familial glow.

A Great Division plagues this room and no eyes have meet mine.

Humility temporarily binds us together but will soon vanish like Earth’s dying landscape.

This game has no beginning only an end.

And over again.

1-03-2006

TO SPEAK OF LOVE-

LOVE IS LIKE A LOOSE GRIP LETTING GO EVEN MORE LOOSELY-
EASILY DRIFTING IN AND OUT OF SMALL TOWNS AND BIG CITIES-
CLIMBING ENDLESS STAIRS TO A GYPSY WOMAN'S POWDER ROOM
FINDING HER PUTTING PINS IN A DOLL RESEMBLING YOURSELF.

LOVE TURNS CHANNELS AND SELLS PRODUCTS;
LOVE INVITES YOU IN FOR DINNER WHILE SECRETLY SALIVATING
AT THE THOUGHT OF YOUR OWN PRECIOUS MEAT.

LOVE KEEPS YOU ASLEEP AND WAKES YOU UP.
LOVE IS A TOWER OF SONGS AND I AM SINGING BITTERLY.